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Mr. Freeze, The Financial Curmudgeon Proclaims: “Black Friday is Satan’s Birthday”

Are You Human or Simply an ATM for Retailers?

I, Mr. Freeze the Financial Curmudgeon, woke up in an incredibly dark mood this morning:

IT’S BLACK FRIDAY………SATAN’S BIRTHDAY!

The day after Thanksgiving (one of the only sincere holidays left in American Culture) is swiftly forgotten and overshadowed by one of the most heinous and ridiculous “celebrations” in the U.S.: Black Friday. Weeks ahead of this day, the Media starts a sort of ceremonious drumbeating and cheer leading, counting down the time until ‘retailers will get an idea of how well they will do this holiday season.” And, like a bunch of robots, Americans begin gearing up for the feeding frenzy that begins the Christmas season.

You may be interested to know that the Wikipedia article about Black Friday talks about why this day wasn’t exactly all fun and games:

The earliest known reference to “Black Friday” (in this sense), found by Bonnie Taylor-Blake of the American Dialect Society, refers to Black Friday 1965 and makes the Philadelphia origin explicit:

JANUARY 1966 — “Black Friday” is the name which the Philadelphia Police Department has given to the Friday following Thanksgiving Day. It is not a term of endearment to them. “Black Friday” officially opens the Christmas shopping season in center city, and it usually brings massive traffic jams and over-crowded sidewalks as the downtown stores are mobbed from opening to closing.

Affluenza: America’s Dreaded Disease

This year Mr. Freeze the Financial Curmudgeon suggests that along with your flu shot you ask your doctor for a shot of anti-affluenza vaccine as well. What is this dreaded disease?

Affluenza, a combination of the words affluence and influenza, is a term used by critics of capitalism and consumerism. Sources define this term as follows:

affluenza, n. a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxietywaste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more. and

affluenza, n. 1. The bloated, sluggish and unfulfilled feeling that results from efforts to keep up with the Joneses. 2. An epidemic of stress, overwork, waste and indebtedness caused by the pursuit of the American Dream. 3. An unsustainable addiction to economic growth.

(quoted from the Wikipedia article entitled Affluenza)

I, Mr. Freeze, see Black Friday as emblematic of exactly what’s brought this country to a state of permanent childishness. Americans have been programmed to believe that what’s good for retailers is good for them. After all, haven’t we been told that “shopping is patriotic” and didn’t the last President, in the midst of a huge terrorist crisis and impending war, encourage us to “go shopping?” The fact that he actually used those words at such an inappropriate time shows how crass our values have become.

I, Mr. Freeze was always amused by the stereotype of the Italian mother who believes that  everything can be fixed with a good meal: “Eat, eat! You’ll feel better!” But, I am disgusted by the American stereotype that sounds more like, “Buy, buy! You’ll feel Better!” Anyone with a shred of common sense and maturity knows that buying an ever increasing mountain of JUNK will not fix any of our problems.

Mr. Freeze Has Some Advice

Lest I, Mr. Freeze the uber-grumpy financial Curmudgeon, seem to be a total party-pooping jerk, Mr. Freeze wants you to know that it is my most sincere wish that you all have a wonderful life. There is nothing wrong with desiring nice things and giving gifts to people you love. The problem lies in the fact that Americans simply don’t know the meaning of the word “ENOUGH!” Some observers of the American consumer have actually discovered that there is an “inverse” satisfaction curve” connected with overspending, especially during the holidays.

So I, Mr. Freeze the Financial Curmudgeon, would like to give you some friendly advice to live by when it comes to being a “bad consumer” in America:

• Don’t go shopping. Stay away from the malls ESPECIALLY TODAY

• Don’t use credit cards if you do shop

• Don’t use your debit card either, especially when grocery shopping

• Don’t frequent restaurants, learn how to cook

• Don’t even think about leaving the house without a shopping list

• Do tell your friends and family that this year, Christmas will be more “frugal”

• Do take a look at all the things you already have and consider if you really do need more “stuff”

• Finally, CHOOSE TO BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE INSTEAD OF AN ATM MACHINE FOR EVERY BUSINESS OUT THERE

We are an incredibly wealthy people for the most part, and yet we have become so dependent on consumer spending in recent years that our economic leaders are telling us it’s a problem if we don’t stimulate the economy through our spending. Well, Mr. Freeze is here to tell you that unless those same economists want to help you pay your bills, do the right thing for your family and yourself: Quit living someone else’s life and start taking control of your own. Quit spending on stuff you don’t really need. You’ll be happier, healthier and, yes, wealthier!

Mr. Freeze courtesy of ElDave.

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